Dating Polish men & women - how to avoid mistakes of unsuccessful relationship

Read the first part Dating Polish men and women; can the relationship with Polish immigrant last? Below are the examples of the difficult relationships which are typical for immigrants, not only Polish immigrants

Escape the past

Just recently a friend who is in the USA for several years called me. Her sister (let call her "Kasia" or "Cathy") came to the USA and found a job to take care of an old lady just a couple of months ago. The old lady is now in the nursing home but the friendship developed between Cathy and the son of the old lady. He bought her a car and they want to get married soon. Kasia does not know exactly whether they will be together for longer. Right now she just wants to get a green card but she does not exclude that the marriage may last since both of them had a difficult past behind. He was married twice and is divorced. Cathy is a single mother but right now her old widowed mother in Poland takes care of her young son. This complicates things additionally. But she is also desperate to stabilize her life. She is on tourist visa so her marriage procedures may be not easy since the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services) officer can accuse her of a visa fraud.

Escape poor economy; chance to obtain a foreign citizenship through marriage

Another problem is a poor economical situation in Poland. Some Poles want to bind a knot with an American or Western European to obtain a green card or a citizenship which gives them the access to the benefits limited to the citizens of the rich countries, this problem was also touched in a previous example and a previous article Dating Polish men and women; can the relationship with Polish immigrant last?. In the majority of cases the both sites agree to a fake-marriage for some financial compensation. But they are some situations that one person is using another one which does not suspect any wrongdoing. These people sometimes have their wives, husbands or families in Poland but undergo through a fake divorce to show a good will.

Here is a story of my friend: She (lets call her Anne) came from Poland as a teenager to the USA because her mother - a widow married a Polish American. Anne received a green card and a citizenship with no problems. After a couple of years she met a Polish man. He was married but told her that his marriage is not good and he went through the official divorce. Then he got married with Anne. A couple of months later it was obvious that he wanted his divorced wife to come to the USA and be with him and that he just cheated Anne the whole time to get a green card. Anne remarried and has a successful family but the scar reminds.

Another example - two young American ladies visited my family. I do not remember exactly how they got in touch with us but I remember that they were invited by my family for a couple of dinners. Once they came with a spark in their eyes and asked me to go with them to meet their new Polish "friends". Polish boys invited these American girls for dinner. The girls did not know exactly how to reach their place so I helped them to get there. Afterwards I asked me how was this "date". The American girls responded with disappointment that the only reason the boys invited them was to ask for arranging the invitations to the USA. It did not work this time, it was too blunt, the boys wanted the visas too hastily.

Uprooting, loosening of the moral core

My own experience with Polish communities abroad varies. Some people who moved out abroad temporarily from economic reasons seem to lose a moral core, since they are away from their families, their regular life. They do not feel obliged to obey any moral grounds, go to the church etc since nobody watches them, like a dog that is free after breaking its lace.

I observed this situation in Western Germany. The additional aspect - in Germany the journals with hard or soft porn were available almost in every kiosk or convenience store. In Poland - this was still a novelty. Germans were already used to it and could cope more easily - Poles exposed suddenly to easy available porno journals or movies just built their phantasies - away from home, away from their families and wives, bored. This led to many broken marriages or relationships.

Polish legal or illegal immigrants might work hard, send money back to their families but otherwise lead an independent life changing the boyfriends or girlfriends on a weekly basis. They may try to pretend that they are unmarried while luring somebody to the relationship. If these people live around other people from Polish community - they may eventually find somebody like them and form a "pseudo-marriage" which gives some stability in their lives and help cope with the lack of real family. Sometimes these fake marriages lead to the a complete loss of even a weak bound with their real families at home in Poland and to the divorce. Read more about it here: The main Causes of Divorces in Poland.

The next article explains that in some cases a Polish person choses the family over a relationship. Please read Homesickness of Polish people: difficulty to form a stable relationship abroad.

by Jagoda Urban-Klaehn, July 11, 2004 (article #206)

I recommend
Treasury of Classic Polish Love Short Stories: In Polish and English, by Miroslaw Lipinski

This book is not only very funny but very truthful about Poles The Xenophobe's Guide to the Poles by Ewa Lipniacka (Author)

I recommend Treasury of Classic Polish Love Short Stories: In Polish and English

I also recommend The Oxford Picture Dictionary: English/Polish by Norma Shapiro, Jayme Adelson-Goldstein

Polish-English English-Polish Dictionary (Hippocrene Practical Dictionary) by Iwo Cyprian Pogonowski

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