Dating Polish men & women - can the relationship with Polish immigrant last for life?

The most questions which I receive from you during summer is about dating. Many people would like to know the miraculous recipe to find out whether the Polish man or woman, boy or girl which they would like to date is right for them. Of course this is not an easy question. One would have to know somebody personally to try to judge whether he/she loves you or not. You can find good, responsible and loving partner in your Polish friend just like in any other person from any national and ethnic group. But, it does not mean that there are no cheaters or irresponsible people among Poles also.

What really help to build a strong relationship is to know a bit about Polish culture and try to follow its rules. We wrote about it in the article How to Impress Polish Lady on the First Date. But this article does not answer a question how to recognize whether the other side has serious intentions or not. Let me continue this subject here. Check also the article Polish Character and Manners through Eyes of American Observer. Lets start with some sad examples of the relationships which may not last too long.

Need of assistance, help, loneliness, desperation

Poles as well as all immigrants coming to another country either for summer vacation, for temporary work etc often feel very alone, insecure and in the need of help. They are far from their family, friends and culture. If a newly arrived immigrant asks you for help or companionship it is not necessary that he/she felt in love but because of need for a friend or out of desperation. There is nothing wrong with that, but it may not last. It does not mean that the serious relationships cannot be created under these conditions but if you suspect that somebody is just in a need of a companionship or the assistance, just slow the relationhip down. Make sure that this girl/boy (this happens more often to younger people who do not build a strong core yet) knows what she/he is doing bu engaging in a serious relationship. Try to help this person to stand on its own.

If she/he would become more independent psychologically and financially you may be sure of their real feelings. It is similar to the following case which I am familiar with - the boyfriend left his long-time girlfriend the moment he found a job, he did not need her anymore since he had money for his independent life. She was crushed. Sometimes newly arrived people from Poland and other poor countries feel very insecure financially especially if dollar is strong as compared to their currency and if they do not have any stable income.

I remember times when people earned an equivalent of 20 dollars per month (read more about it in the article POLISH MONEY: old and new zloty - Tips for Travelers and Economical Crisis in Poland, 1980-81 . Even buying a small can of pepsi may look like a big expense! For the newly arrived all residents of the rich countries are like happy millionaires! So, it takes time for them to get used to the reality of rich countries and stop collecting freebies or save money on coke. They may also not be willing to eat out if they know that they have to pay their share. It does not mean that they are mean by nature but they just need a time to adjust!

Attempt to forget the previous relationship

Marriage or relationship in order to forget about the past. I am aware of several marriages that were finalized just after a break with a boyfriend/girlfriend just out of desperation and a need for companionship. Sometimes the woman/man wants to show the loved one who left that she/he does not care (which is not really true) or that she/he could find a replacement very easily. Such marriages out of desperation are rarely successful. They happen more often among immigrants since they do not have a family around to slow them down.

Read the next article which describe typical immigrant situations entitled Dating Polish men and women & how to avoid unsuccessful relationship

by Jagoda Urban-Klaehn, July 11, 2004 (article #205)

Below is a link to a very interesting and funnt book about Poles:
The Xenophobe's Guide to the Poles, by Ewa Lipniacka (Author)

I recommend following books helpful to learn Polish language and about Poland before your first travel:
Berlitz Polish Phrase Book

Eyewitness Travel Guide to Poland (Eyewitness Travel Guides) by Teresa Czerniewics-Umer, Malgorzata Omilanowska, Jerzy S. Majewski, DK Travel Writers

Check also Talk Now! Polish from CD ROM EuroTalk

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